I went for a swim today. New pool. New routine.
And something surprising stopped me in my tracks.  

Above the lanes were three very different signs:
Gentle. Steady. Speedy.
Not fast, medium or slow — just… well… kind.

And my whole body softened.
Because normally, I walk into a pool and either feel the shame of needing to use the slow lane or feel the pressure — to perform, to keep up, to prove I’m not the “slow one.”
And while I swim, that voice in my head kicks in:
“You should be faster… You should be fitter… You should be better.”
By the time I get out, my body’s exercised, but my spirit feels crushed. (This was before I learnt self-compassion skills to redirect my thoughts and respond to myself kindly.)

Sound familiar?
You might not swim, but I bet you know that voice.

The Inner Critic is Loud — Especially for Mums 

Most mums I know have a full-blown Olympics happening in their heads daily.
Not just swimming lanes — but gymnastics, weightlifting, and mental marathons.

“I should be more patient.”
“I should cook healthier meals.”
“I shouldn’t have shouted.”
“Why can’t I just keep it together like other mums?”

This internal judging panel?  It’s brutal.  And sadly, normalised.

But Here’s the Science Bit (Stick with me…)

Studies in neuroscience and psychology show that the way we talk to ourselves literally shapes our brain and body.
Self-criticism activates the threat system — flooding us with cortisol (the stress hormone), tightening muscles, and shrinking our capacity to think clearly or respond calmly.

Meanwhile, self-compassion — speaking to ourselves with kindness, especially in moments of struggle — lights up the care system in the brain.
It boosts oxytocin (the feel-good hormone), soothes the nervous system, and increases resilience.
It doesn’t make you soft. It makes you stronger.

Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading self-compassion researcher, found that people who treat themselves with kindness are more motivated, less anxious, and better able to care for others — without burning out.

So, if you think self-kindness is indulgent? It’s not.
It’s a superpower. Especially in motherhood.

We’re All Swimming in Different Currents

Some of us are treading water today. Some are floating. Some are splashing about having a great time, some are drowning not waving.
Some are powering through in the speedy lane — and some can barely make it to the pool.

But here’s the truth: Every lane is valid. Every effort counts.
And the voice you use with yourself matters. It will either lift you up or drag you under.

So, Mum, What Will You Say to Yourself Today? 

Even if the house is a mess.
Even if you lost your cool.
Even if you fed the kids toast or pizza (again)

You are still worthy of kindness.
You are still allowed to rest.
You are still doing enough.

So, here’s a “gentle” challenge:

💬 Choose one kind sentence you’ll say to yourself today.
Even if you don’t fully believe it yet.
Say it like you mean it. Say it like you’d say it to your child.

“I’m doing my best.”
“This moment is hard, but I can handle it.”
“I deserve love, even on my messiest days.”

Because you do.
Because we all do.

And because maybe — just maybe — the most powerful thing we can teach our children…
Is how to speak kindly inside our head.

With love,
Kathryn x

Fellow mum. 

Self-Compassion advocate. 

Swimmer in the gentle lane today.