I thought today I may relate a little story from my week. It's not an outdoor one.

I have been doing some 'decluttering' at home. I have to admit I haven't found it easy. But I am gradually making progress. A friend has been helping by being around as I sort through, and then immediately taking things away for charity shops, recycling etc. This has been immensely helpful, partly by pinning me down to times to stay in and do it!

Much of what has needed thinning out is paperwork, such as notes from old courses. There have also been 'old versions' of things I have since updated. This has included a bag of camera equipment, a heavy vacuum cleaner and various other items.

Our session last week turned out not to be one of my best days on the task. I was struggling to find my clarity as I sat in my kitchen with assorted boxes to go through. I think I began to feel rather bombarded by all the different nuances of my life from years ago that were showing up. But I kept going.

At some point I came across a bag with yet more camera equipment. I wanted to check none of it was related to my current camera. I have had it a couple of years but haven't used it much and couldn't remember it well (it's been so easy to just use the phone camera). I went off to get the camera and quickly confirmed that the camera equipment in the kitchen was old and could go.

I had chosen my current camera to be lightweight whilst retaining the capacity for changeable lenses (giving better quality images). It came with a small lens for general shots. In addition, the shop had in a second-hand professional quality telephoto lens (to magnify distant objects). It was, in my terms, very expensive. But a super lens in excellent condition. With my wildlife interest in mind, I decided to invest in it. It actually cost more than the camera!

So, back to the story of my decluttering day. Whilst I was with my camera, I looked for the separate lens pouch with the 'expensive' lens in it, assuming the lens attached to the camera to be its original 'cheap' lens. I had an image in my mind of what I was looking for. But it was nowhere to be seen. Panic. The start of a rollercoaster. I nose-dived into thoughts of having made a huge mistake, and given it away in error. I felt awful. I was derailed!

Shortly afterwards, I had to go out on errands but was aware of underlying distress and tumultuous thoughts. Nevertheless, by the time I returned home I found more self-kindness and told myself it wasn't the complete disaster it seemed. And that just maybe, by some miracle, the lens would show up.

I went again to look at the camera. And this time I saw it differently. I had completely forgotten how unusually compact the telephoto (expensive) lens was. They are typically very long. So when I opened up the camera case for the second time I realised that what I was looking for, and feared was lost, was right there in front of me - the pro lens was actually the one on the camera. And opening a small pocket on the camera case revealed the original, much smaller lens.

I am still processing this whole incident. It feels very poignant. My brain misinterpreted and catastrophised what it saw. I feel a lot of compassion for myself.

'Sometimes, what you are looking (searching) for, but not seeing, is right there in front of you'.

This week's self-kindness invitation is to notice whether you feel any resonance with this story in your own life. And then treat yourself with as much compassion as you can as you reflect on it.

Go well.

In warmth and kindness

Barbara