Have you ever been told "but you look fine" on a day when you were barely holding yourself together?

So many of us carry something that others cannot see. It might be chronic pain or a long-term illness. It might be fatigue that never quite lifts, anxiety beneath a calm face, depression, grief, neurodivergence or the slow ache of an emotional wound. From the outside, we may look as though we have it all together. On the inside, we are working incredibly hard just to get through the day.

This week is Invisible Disabilities Week, a time to recognise the many people living with conditions that are not immediately visible, and to remember a simple truth: we never really know what someone else is carrying.

The hidden cost of looking fine

When a struggle cannot be seen, it is often doubted, by others and sometimes by ourselves. We might tell ourselves that we are making a fuss, that we should be coping better, or that if no one else can see it, perhaps it isn't really that bad. So we keep the smile switched on, we push through, and we quietly carry the weight alone.

Yet what we carry is real, even if no one else can see it. And the effort it takes to keep going deserves to be met with kindness, not criticism.

The Self-Compassion Break

In this week's Circles of Practice, we explored the Self-Compassion Break, one of the core practices of Mindful Self-Compassion, developed by Dr Kristin Neff and Dr Christopher Germer. It has three gentle steps.

First, mindfulness. We acknowledge what is happening, quietly saying to ourselves, "This is hard," or "This is a moment of struggle." We are not pushing the feeling away, and we are not making it bigger. We are simply naming what is true.

Then, common humanity. We remind ourselves, "Others feel this too," or "I am not alone." All around us, people are quietly carrying their own unseen loads. The colleague who always smiles, the friend who says "I'm fine" and the stranger on the train may all be carrying more than we know.

Finally, self-kindness. With a hand on the heart, or simply imagining a warm hand there, we offer ourselves the words we would give a dear friend: "May I be kind to myself," "May I be gentle with my body," or "May I give myself what I need."

Practise with me

If you are carrying something unseen right now, I warmly invite you to join me for this practice. You can sit, lie down or rest in whatever way your body needs, with your eyes open or closed. There is no right way to do this. The meditation closes with my poem, Invisible Load.

Watch the Invisible Load guided self-compassion meditation here:

May you be gentle with yourself, and with everyone you meet, today.

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