Have you ever collected a child from school who seemed perfectly happy, only for everything to come tumbling out the moment they got home?

Teachers may say they were fine all day. Friends may never notice a thing. Yet underneath, that child may have been holding on to worry, a tummy ache that keeps coming back, sensory overwhelm, a learning difference, sadness or a feeling of not quite fitting in. Children carry invisible loads too, and many of them work very hard to keep those loads hidden.

This week is Invisible Disabilities Week, a gentle reminder that not every struggle can be seen, and that this is just as true for children as it is for grown-ups.

When the Crusher says "Nobody else feels like this"

When a struggle is hidden, children often decide that they must be the only one. This is where the Crusher voice can creep in, whispering, "Something is wrong with me," "I'm being silly," or "I should just be like everyone else."

The Booster voice offers something different. It says, "This is hard, and that's okay," and "Lots of children feel like this too."

Our children learn from how we carry our own loads

Children notice how we treat ourselves when we are struggling. If we always say "I'm fine" while running on empty, they learn that hard feelings should be hidden. When we gently say, "I'm feeling really tired today, so I'm going to be kind to myself," we show them that it is safe to notice what they need and to be kind to themselves too.

A simple Self-Compassion Break for children

This week, in our Circles of Practice meditation for grown-ups, we practised the Self-Compassion Break. Here is a gentle way to share it with children, in three small steps.

First, the Ouch step. Invite your child to be an Inner Detective and notice where the hard feeling lives in their body, then say to themselves, "Ouch, this is hard.

Next, the Not Alone step. Help them remember that lots of other children feel this way too, even if they can't see it. They might say, "Other kids feel like this sometimes. I'm not the only one."

Finally, the Kind Me step. They can place a hand on their heart or give themselves a gentle hug, take a Breathing Boost, and choose a kind Booster phrase, such as "I can be kind to me," "I'm doing my best," or "It's okay to need help."

If you notice the Crusher voice telling your child that they are the only one, you can gently ask, "What would your Booster say to a friend who felt like this?"

A practice for you, too

Many parents, carers and educators are carrying invisible loads of their own, from health conditions and exhaustion to worry and grief, all while caring for others. If that is you, please know that you are not alone, and that you deserve the same kindness you offer the children in your care.

Kathryn's guided Invisible Load meditation is available here for you to practise whenever you need it:

When we learn to be gentle with what we carry, we teach our children that they never have to carry theirs alone.

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